A little bit about me.
My mood changes constantly from high to low and I battle to stick to one emotion or topic so its hard for me to really express myself. I don’t have a stutter problem but my mind flicks through different topics and emotions so quickly that I can’t convey the message properly. I hate it but I’m training myself to relax, breathe and slowly articulate what I want to say. I write a bit better than I talk. You will also see my blog changes shape all the time its because I’m never happy with the mood it conveys, so I change it according to how I feel. I struggle with bouts of depression but I push myself and keep going.
So my name is Mannie. Its a nickname I was given by my mom when I was a child. Legend has it 😉 that I used to call myself “the man” and so my mom gave me a diminutive version of it and the name stuck throughout the years. I have two older brothers Jakes 2nd and Broeks oldest (not their real names) and two younger sisters whom I get along with very well. My mom and dad are divorced and we don’t see much of my father. In fact he is currently in jail serving a fifteen year sentence.
My childhood was stolen from me, so was a part of my teenage years. I started drinking and smoking from the age of 13 and from there I tumbled deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Light faded quickly and I was caught up in sex and drugs, bars and clubs. I hated myself and despised the world I was in, but I couldn’t get out. I waited and waited, hoping things will just come right by itself, but it never did.
For 18 years I was depressed and absolutely lost, certain to never find happiness and I should accept that this is how its going be for the rest of my life.
I then made the decision, in 2015 I went below the surface, into the darkest corners of my soul, to seek out my demons one by one, and with the help of God I’m going to kill them all.
I surfaced in 2018 and I want to tell you my story.
Is where I reflect on the past and the present. My daily journal. It is where you will learn the vast inner world of my mind and the thoughts that shape me. You’ll see that I as a christian man get angry too, I get frustrated and sad and sometimes I don’t want to see the bigger picture. I am managing my depression much better but it still hits me hard every now and then.
I also suffer from severe night terrors, night after night after night they come. Demons, snakes, shadow’s. They all terrorize me. But lately I have nightmares of something way worse. Death. I dream that God wants me dead. I wake up in panic and run for the door or the light. I sometimes fall out of bed onto my knees and pray to God to please have mercy on me because I don’t want to die. I can’t get any sleep. I have died many times and I never quite can get used to it 🙂
The Adventures Of Liefert:
Is all about my little Yorkshire Terrier. He is a menace and so active but I’ll tell you the stories of all the things he gets up to.
Is a proud display 🙂 of all my catches and the tale behind them.
Travel & Places:
See just how blessed I am to be going places, all on a low budget and blessings from Jesus.
May I suggest you read these articles first in the order they appear, so you know how this whole thing began. Its not easy reading and you will see by the choices a man makes, everything around him is affected. I made some bad choices, and it was not God’s fault for the consequences. I don’t blame my mother or siblings for my unhappiness. None of them are in fact to blame. Jesus always gave me options, and I chose wrong. Cause and effect.