Searching The Path Of Righteousness

When I got back home after dad’s ordeal I found work as a night audit at a Hotel where Poppie also worked. I couldn’t stay awake at night and Broeks had then started an online marketing business and it was bombing. He made a lot of money and I worked for him at night while I did the night audit. Anna and RS got engaged on the Symphonia and the wedding will be the 5th of May 2012, Broeks then invited me to join them in Costa Rica for a 3 month surfing/working trip, all expenses paid and a basic salary. I said great I’ll be there like fred bear and early 2012 I sold my car for some air fare and left for CR.Pura Vida.

It was a long flight and a ten hour lay over in Madrid. I landed in San Jose and left the next day with a huge hangover on a crowded bus to Guanacaste, Playa Pelada. Broeks and I surfed the best waves ever, long easy waves day in and day out. We were ripped from all the surfing and looked good.We drank coconut water and ate tacos, zip lined through the hills and drank cervesa’s. I of course, being single did yoga in the tree tops with the yogies, snarfed pure cocaine till my eyes went squint. Broeks and I stepped into a bull ring at Nosara festival, drunk and utterly disorderly while his wife TR freaked out on the stands, They released that bull and as I turned to run this thing plowed into me, crowds cheered as the first gringo of the festival fell under hoof and horn. I won a t-shirt for bravery. Visited a woman from Brazil in the famous blue spirit resort where all the serious yogies world wide go meditate and find their chi. Watched a concert from a world famous yoga zen lady, ate hummus and sugarless, tasteless yogie food till the cows came home. Saw green turtles lay their eggs on the beach, that was amazing to see. TR’s mom came to visit from the states and we cooked food on the beach for her birthday. Broeks had a nice F150 truck he bought from coconut harry’s surf shop in Guiones.

Then we drove up to Vulcan Arenal, an active volcano and hot springs. Swam under waterfalls and took a walk among the trees on suspension bridges. We visited Punta Islita and played golf on a mashy 3 par course. It was here where I walked into a local church drunk and stole a drape for what was probably meant for the priest. I felt guilty about that for years and never quite felt forgiven until now of course. Then we set off to Nicaragua, to Colorado’s beach with the most perfect barrelling wave I have ever seen. Set after set of pure perfection, on the take off you tuck in and the lip just naturally curls over you. Day after day we surfed the Colorado wall stretching all the way to Pongo drops. It was one of these perfection barrels that took out Broek’s knee and tore his meniscus. He went for surgery and I stayed behind. I went for a surf and on this day the waves were heavy and chunky. I pulled into a 6 footer and wiped out and for the life of me I couldn’t surface. This wave kept me under and wouldn’t let me up, I panicked and knew this could be it, I am about to drown. One last kick and my head broke the surface and I could breath. It’s like being born again and taking your first breath of air.

Then another wave came and broke on my head, same story, wouldn’t let me up, but I made it out and my lungs were burning and I puked. That was heavy. Broeks came back and his surfing time was up. We eventually left Nicaragua and headed back into Costa Rica towards the Caribbean side to a town called Puerto Viejo on the Panama border. TR also had good news and they showed me a positive pregnancy test. Broeks was finally going to be a dad and I was so happy for them both. We swam in clear blue water with thick tropical rain forest right up to the beach. Our hike into the jungle was so beautiful, big trees reaching up to the heavens with sloths hanging upside down for a nap, huge broad fanned leaves in the shrubs below with big bull ants protecting their nests and poison dart frogs hopping about. The sounds of birds I’ve never heard before all around us, the smell of Gods green earth filled our lungs as we breathed the fresh air. It was magical. We left CR after 3½ months of sea, sun, surf and rain forests. Maybe one day we’ll return with the whole family.

Upon returning home Broeks and I had issues regarding business and me working for him. Family and business is such a delicate matter and it could have ruined our relationship but we recovered from it and things were ok. Anna got married in May, Broeks walked her down the isle and she looked so beautiful in her dress and the wedding was exquisite. I forgot to mention that Jakes was also married by now to a Polish girl named Magdaleina and they had a 2 year old boy. He actually got married about a year after I left the UK, said he met this bird and he’s in love, had a shotgun wedding on a lighthouse and drove his bride home on Poppies scooter, mazal toff. Dad and I got into a tangle 2 o’clock in the morning, celebrated dear brother’s wedding a bit too much, alleged we ruined his wedding hehe. In my defense I was left unsupervised 😉

Any how it’s somewhere mid 2012 or 2013 I’m not sure and the exact sequence of events is a blur but the info is pretty accurate. Poppie’s girlfriend CC and I went job hunting. They have been together for about 4 years then and we heard a whisper on the breeze that a private school up the road was hiring. So off we went, in short we both walked out of that meeting with a full teaching position each starting in two weeks. Parents pay big money to have their kids in this school so its a big deal. Could it get any easier than that, four grand a month, just rock up and teach. Well that was one huge experience, first day of school I had a grade 9 class, history. Then grade 5 some science lesson, then grade six also science and finally grade 7 life orientation or something like that. I don’t how I made it through the days, I had no idea what I was doing or where to begin, the kids had no textbooks, half of them had no stationary. The little ones just want to play and run around.

For six month I was a teacher, what I taught I don’t even know, every class I just make them write stuff down, talk about a few things and then pretend to mark some tests, I graded them on good behavior and overall intelligence, because every project handed in was the same as the previous one, they basically find one article online and the whole class copies it. Plus the kids are not allowed to fail in that school and the owner bumps their grades up to get a 100% pass rate, so corrupt, but that’s how it goes, it’s a business and nothing more. Kids were also very disruptive and all they care about is passing and music, nothing else. One morning I walked into my classroom, it was the grade 5 class, first lesson for the day and there was a boy and a girl in a full on brawl. I couldn’t help but smile at first because they were so small, swinging and defending their hearts out. I picked up the boy and carried him outside where he started crying from anger, I went to the girl to see if she was ok and she was. I spoke to both of them in a stern but loving manner and send them to their desks. That job was somewhat rewarding even though I had no idea how to teach, the kids did like me and would confide in me quite regularly. At the end of the year, a girl from the 7th grade, her name was Anati, gave me a box of chocolates from her and her mom to say thank you for being her teacher. That was one of the most heartwarming and thoughtful moments ever, and I’ll always treasure it, even though the job was so tough and challenging and frustrating, that little act of appreciation made it all worth it.

Somewhere along the lines I started a web design business and moved into my studio flat at the hotel. Things were financially difficult and I took the job at the laundromat. You can read about it in the post How I Turned My Life Around which covers that part of my life. I also landed in hospital one night because of a seriously bad drug trip. I got wheeled into emergency care in a wheel chair like a looney, demanding a drip. I took too much cannabis paste extract and honestly thought I was going to die and cried out to God to save me. Turned out to be heart palpitations. In 2016 Jakes came down from the UK and us three brothers went and visited dad in prison near Cape Town. That was fun. No parties this time, just three older wiser men visiting their old man. It was nice seeing him though I felt something strange from dad this time. It wasn’t pleasant, like he didn’t care whether I’m there or not. It gnawed at me a little bit and then we spoke about it. We are not boys anymore we are grown men and if dad wants to try and cause strife in my life well then I won’t see him again. I won’t allow him to have that power over me.

November that year I left for Port St John’s, Liefert was 4 months old and I was given notice to move out of the room I was renting. I was earning R1300 from my web clients and my plan basically was to volunteer at this backpackers and then get a meal and accommodation for free per day. If that doesn’t work out then I’m homeless and there is no plan b. I got into my car with all my stuff and my dog and headed off to the wild coast Transkei. I loved the drive and I felt alive and calm and certain that this is the right move. I don’t drink or smoke anymore, my faith is stronger than ever before, although not great, but strong. Life was infinitely much better because I wrestled my vices into submission and they do not control my life so much. I took a big chance driving without a license but I didn’t let it stop me, I had to do this and get over the fear of the unknown and stop being scared of adventure on my own. I arrived in Port St Johns safely and found the backpackers. I had to pay for 7 days accommodation first and if they think I’m good to be a volunteer then I would stay on. I set up my tent and thanked God that I made it safely. There were other dogs there and a donkey and Liefert quickly made pals. He was the cutest thing ever and everyone adored him. Donkey liswe did kick him once but he recovered. Liefert is also a little houdini and would just disappear into thin air and when I call to him literally reappears at my feet, looking at me with his head half cocked like:

‘yes dad, why’d you call me’

‘because I miss you my boy and I want to now where you are’

‘well I’m playing and and and Beki has a bone for me’ (liefert has a stutter problem)

‘ok stay close almost time for bed’

And so he’ll run off and look for food by the guests or eat some bugs and bark at the donkey. Always up to something. He has made it a new thing to go on the waterfall hikes through the forest and the guests just love him. Its a far hike and he is such a tiny little thing and he keeps up, but halfway back to camp he would go and sit, too tired to go any further and a guest would pick him up and carry him home. The owners also had a fat cat called cat stevens, Liefert’s nemesis. He is extremely brave but that cat was just too much for him. Monkey’s!! Liefert despises them and a guest showed me a video once where he is surrounded by a whole troop of them and he just stands his ground and faces them head on, absolutely fearless. Crept into the hearts of many women too, could charm the pants of you, but Nikki loved him the most

That first evening there I was sitting on the cushions outside the kitchen when I met Nikki, a singer song writer from Sydney. Confident and poised. She moseyed on by and we got chatting and quickly became good friends. She was also a volunteer. Second day came and we went down to the river to work at a new restaurant that was opening in a few weeks. Liefert stayed back at camp and luckily there was a fence around the property and someone agreed to keep an eye on him. Got back from work later that day and Liefert was gone. I searched everywhere for him, went to the beach, in the bushes, everywhere, nothing. He was just gone and I thought that someone stole him or he’s lying dead somewhere. He’s so small and could have slipped out the fence to look for me and lost his way. I gave up searching after hours hoping he would turn up and was on my way to my tent to cry when I saw the little fur ball came running down the path, happy as can be. I’m like ‘my boy where have you been’ I picked him up and hugged him tight and kissed him. Turns out these two guys who were staying there went to town and decided to take this cute little pup along for a ride on the dashboard and pick up women. Fed him copious amounts of kfc and just cruised around to holler at the ladies. I was not mad just relieved his ok.

So the week went by and I got volunteer status, my gamble paid off and the backpackers was starting to fill up daily. Nikki and I were inseparable and drew closer every day. She was a charmer and the guy’s fell for her left and right. It was such a weird feeling for me because I really was just friends with her and didn’t get jealous or possessive or anything, in fact I didn’t care what she did, I was her friend and we clicked and talked. She partied, hard, while I stayed sober, solid as a rock. Never got angry at her or anyone, annoyed yes but not angry. There were so many women and I was on fire, I chatted and charmed and kept my cool. The owner and I got along great and he often wondered what a man like me is doing in a place like this.

Amapondo is where the world goes to cut themselves off from society and all its bull dust and be free to take drugs, party extremely hard, take psychedelics and either freak out or just ride the waves of insane visuals, get pondo fever ( basically hooking up with the local black girls without being judged ) trust me the fever is real or you just enjoy the multitude of foreigners who stream in there day and night. It was awesome, I did not partake in any of these things and just enjoyed the company of people where I could practice my conversation skills. Nikki was never far off and she was also firing on all cylinders. We really connected and were best buds, and she started looking at me with different eyes, I didn’t pick it up at first but she later told me that it was the day I went spearfishing in Silaka reserve when I shot that big bronze bream that she knew she wanted to be by my side all the time. This gentle man and his little dog, hunting fish in the ocean with his bare hands. I think I’ll love him.

She said that I made the first move but I beg the differ 🙂 said I put my hand on the small of her back when she was preparing fish. That’s not a move is it. Well she said it was this that lit the fire and she drew closer. Nikki had her own room and I’ve never been in there and one day I went in and laid on the bed talking. I knew I should have left but didn’t want to. I also started liking her in a romantic way despite her wild behavior and so I asked for a back rub hehe, primitive yes but I had nothing else. She did as I asked and being deprived of physical romantic touch for years and years I just leaned into her and held her tight. I buried my face into her breasts and she held me, wondering what to do about this man. She knew I was a Christian with strong moral standards and she didn’t want to corrupt me, yet she really liked me. I didn’t care, no one ever touches me or runs their fingers through my hair and lovingly stroke my shoulders and arms. I go through life untouched and being physically intimate with a woman feels nice and makes me feel like a man.

So there I was in her arms wrestling with the thoughts of wrong and right. I know how I feel about sex before marriage and I suffer great distress when I go against these morals. In the past I did not care as much but I care now and coming to Christ and walking in righteousness brings me immense joy and I don’t want to mess it up. Also I still have a perfectly hidden depression where I am trying to be a perfectionist for Jesus with a constant critical inner voice, to top it off, I have a deep aversion to sex. Not the act itself but the way it separates me from God whenever I engage in it and how it ruined my life and countless others. I’m still in her arms with all these thoughts bolting through my mind. I got up and left. She then came to my tent later on and we spoke and declared our feelings. I got caught up in the unevenly yoked chapter in the bible plus a number of other things. She was Jewish but didn’t follow any tradition or faith. We eventually slept together and she was the only one I kissed and had sex with on that five month Transkei trip or in fact the only one in two years.

Her feelings grew stronger every day, even wrote and composed me a love song. Lying on her bed one bright morning she said ‘this is the only song in the entire universe, written and composed just for you’ she looked at me with love and adoration and began playing. As she sang me my song, I thought about my whole life, how a sweet sensitive boy like me ended up with so much hurt and pain, I thought about how much I always wanted a woman to sing to me one day and how I envied those who the ladies sang for. Waves of emotions washed over me as the melody rang sweet in my ears, into my core and came to rest upon my heart. The tears welled up and the river flooded its banks, I cried for me, and only me. It was the most beautiful song I have ever heard, every note, every word, just for me 🙂

I could never understand the real attraction towards musicians, now I do. Dating a musician is quite exciting and they do make you feel pretty special when they serenade you with song and verse. As she fell more in love I kept resisting. She also came to the realization that I’m really poor and with our fighting and arguing becoming more intense we dampened the mood on the whole volunteer group and the owner eventually asked me to leave. We deserved the fall. For five months we thought of ourselves as the power couple and better than everyone. We carried ourselves with an air of superiority. She was asked to stay but I had to leave, she decided to come back with me to Port Edward. We rented a flat and were both so unhappy that she left a month later back to Sydney also never to return to me. It’s no one’s fault about the bad break up, we just lived in totally different worlds. Sex before marriage is a killer for true believers and being unevenly yoked in a relationship just does not work. I then came to Sodwana and you can read about it in these posts….